FRIENDS LIKE SISTERS…

I love me some quotable quotes, especially if they resonate with me – or something I may be going through.

Here are some that I thought I would share. This one is for my sisters and friends 🙂

 

“For there is no friend like a sister 
In calm or stormy weather;
To cheer one on the tedious way,
To fetch one if one goes astray,
To lift one if one totters down,
To strenghten whilst one stands”
― Christina RossettiGoblin Market and Other Poems

 

Aren’t quotes from plays just the ones?!

 

There is one friend in the life of each of us who seems not a separate person, however dear and beloved, but an expansion, an interpretation, of one’s self, the very meaning of one’s soul.  ~Edith Wharton

 

 

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EUREKA!

So I was busy working on my looong overdue post when I stumbled upon a music video that I have been dying to see.

This was my welcome distraction 🙂

 

 

Like many other Kenyans, Bongo Flava grew on me after EATV hit our airwaves. That was the revolution of Swahili love songs and they were made ‘cool’ again.

In my opinion, Lady Jay Dee is on another level and I can’t get tired on listening to her songs. She speaks to me.

And of course Professor Jay, Ray C (Gosh! Whatever happened to her O_o), Ferroz, Dully Sykes (Haha! Remember him?!), TID  and Banana Zorro also managed to get us singing along swa songs in what may now seem like back-in-the-day.

Come to think of it, when was the last time you listened to Mr Nice’s songs that we all gleefully fagilia-d to?

 

OF SINGLEHOOD…

So, I have a friend who was stuck in a long-term relationship that was not good for her. She said he did not treat her well. And after almost ten years with him, she realised that “it was going nowhere.” And part of the reason it took her so long to get it over with was that she feared having to start again.

The thought of the dating process: meeting a guy- a good guy, vetting him, getting to know him and what he is all about…blah blah blah. It would take a long time to get to where she was with the ex; a place where she would be comfortable to completely open up to a new person, she said. Am sure quite a number of people out there can relate to her.

Lucky enough for her there are a number of “learning aids” available that will show her how to carefully and successfully get back in the game. Since she got into that relationship, other than her aging, a lot more had changed in the dating scene. Here’s a sample of what I… no, she has been watching and reading.

Patti Stanger – The Millionaires Matchmaker: 

I have got to say, with a title like that I wondered what she was selling but when I got down to watching her DVD, I realised that she does have a viable tips, and she does not aim to serve gold-diggers (that’s what you thought, huh?). Patti’s selling point, she says, is she can get the man in your life to propose in a year, only if you follow her advice to the letter.

She breaks it down in four easy to follow segments which include clips of her before a live audience with actors on the stage to demonstrate and compare two couples. Also, she talks to a group of gents, I guess to reaffirm that what she teaches is what they like.

For starters, she is keen on observing the general rule that one should give themselves time in between relationships. She figures it gives you time to “do you”, put your interests first, rebuild your character and basically heal the wounds from the previous relationship. This way, you get into another one without bitterness and emotionally independent.

No penetration until you achieve mutual exclusivity – yup, “penetration”. I like the bit about setting standards that you expect of your partner with some being negotiable while others aren’t.

No, she is not married.

Steve Harvey – Act like a lady think like a man 

Ladies if you have not read this page-turner, you must. Steve takes us through his experience in love and how he met his wife. He did not always know how to treat her but he learnt how to. And I think if she should write a book on how she got him on the straight and narrow. Best-seller right there!

The notion behind the book is to reveal to women what goes on in a man’s mind; to learn and understand them. It also teaches how to get your man to commit.

One memorable concept from the book is that of the Ford salesman analogy – “The Ninety-day rule: Ford requires it of its employees. Should you require it from your man?

Also, you have got to the love the Strawberry Letters sampled from his radio show. Ladies around the globe can relate to the issues written to him about.

Single Ladies – TV series (2011)

Remember those stories that would end like “And the moral of the story is…”? That is what comes to mind. Along with Paulo Coelho books which are in essence self-help books delivered in the fashion of inspirational stories. But that is just me, and I digress.

The light-hearted series starts off with the three main characters in relationships of sorts who at some point find themselves single and plunged into the dating scene.  Even they do not present it as an ‘ok’ place to be. Anyway, the plan wasn’t to “review” the show but I think they writers are at the verge of pulling a Tyler Perry. If you have watched his movies/ plays/ shows, you will remember those sit-up moments where the characters suddenly possess a strong tone and the soundtracks take a pause- life lesson coming up. That is what shows me there is something to learn from the show. And boy, are they tough lessons.

Main actors in the show are Stacey DashLisaRaye McCoy, Charity Shea and one yummy D.B. Woodside.

Lessons learnt:

  • The ninety-day rule is universal and acceptable (Huh, boys said something?!) and depending on what you are after, it could play in your favour.
  • You should give yourself time between relationships. It is for you.
  • There is no such thing as being ‘alone’. Some people of those happy holding-hands-walking-into-the-sunset couples feel more ‘alone’ than Adam was before Eve’s arrival.

Pssst… Ever wondered why is being single looked down upon? And what is it with the question: why is a good (or beautiful –I get this one a lot, ahem!) person like you doing ‘alone’? Go sit in a corner, will ya?

Yup, I just had to 🙂

SEND A WOMAN TO DO A MAN’S JOB

Yup, I said it. They say, anything man can do, a woman can do better.

Last weekend, I attended a sex seminar (…and no, there were no practical sessions) organised by self-declared “lifestyle designer on sex and relationships” Ms Getrude Mungai. The very one who has Kenyans religious watching K24 every Friday and Saturday night.

She was at the Buru East Africa School of Theology (I know! O_o…the demo bed was right next to the pulpit) to tell women what they need to make them better lovers. From hygiene, to sexy lingerie, to creating a boudoir- she covered it all. And man does she know how to do her job, and market her products while at it! She was on fire, and every time she made references to what everyone aspires to be between the sheets, the room burst with pleasurable laughter.

I was there to see what the fuss was all about, and yea, hopefully learn something new. And I did. But I have to say, some of my Kenyan sisters really let me down.

While taking us through sex positions, the ooohs and aaahs and “I cannot do that” were just appalling. Why then did you come? (I promise, NO PUN INTENDED). It then dawned on me that some women just want to know what they can, and probably should do, but for some reason won’t. (I guess they think it’s for whores to do. Now, go figure why some men visit the women of the night)

Clearly, there’s still some way to go for my frigid sisters. Even Getrude can’t find them.

I have to hand it to Getrude, she is doing something positive for Kenyan women and it has been a long time coming. See, we unlike our Ugandan sisters, do not have Ssengas- an aunt who advises on sexual matters from an early age. But we have had to make do with the Cosmos, True Loves and movies for some pointers.

One tip that I have come to learn is that you need to teach your partner what gives you pleasure. Therefore, men should feel obligated to showing a woman what gives him pleasure. It may seem like groping in the dark cause what may tickle X’s fancy won’t necessarily work for Y but hey, it is a guide in the right direction.

At the end of the day, she can only hope to make better wives, lovers and whores (…to the husbands) of the women who made her richer on that blessed afternoon. Now the challenge lies with you girls and boys to be that teacher to your lover.

WHILE I WAS AWAY…

That was a minute!

Needless to say I need to work harder on getting into the blogging culture. Well, am here to try again. And for the while I have been away, I re-discovered the pleasure I receive from listening to good music and watching movies.

I have compiled a list of movies and songs that either spoke to me, have stuck in my mind or I like…just because.

Music: They say: all music is beautiful… Music is food for the soul… All I know is there if it’s the first song I hear in the morning, it sticks in my mind all day. And that which speaks to me when am going through good, bad, ‘just there’ time, will remind me of those moments when I hear it.

And yea, I have songs that remind me of certain people. Some know it, other well…

Please note that this is NOT a list of my top five songs but, are the five that came to mind when I (finally) settled down to write.

Nakupenda wewe pekee- Viola Karuri

I have a thing for live performances and man can she give a good show! It was at an Art for Afya function. The lyrics and catchy chakacha-ish melody makes it a song that leaves me humming to it hours after listening to it.

Don’t call me baby – Madison Avenue

For some reason, am yet to understand, when I go to my imaginary disco, this is the song that is always on…

Welcome to the disco- Muthoni ‘The Drummer Queen’

Newly liked and I definitely see Nairobi getting down to it big time, especially those who remember it as a cheering squad song. Can’t wait for official video set for release next month….terererererereren!

Ten over ten- Naeto C

Got to admit I did not feel much for it at first but it has grown on me. Love the Naija flava and its motivational message too.

Simple Song- Konshens

Really stumbled on this one on a random Friday but man do I looove it! I even forced it on cousin who probably has it for his ringtone. The track is totally addictive and I can’t seem to get enough of it. It’s the only song I talk to DJs about…for now 🙂

Now to the Movies:

Just like my music list, these aren’t my top movies but, just had them at the top of my mind.

Limitless (2011) 

It’s about a wonder pill that gives some super-human abilities. To be honest, after watching it, I wished I would take that pill… it stars. And oh yes, Bradley Cooper plays the leading role. The end though leaves you kinda unsure of whether the guy quits taking it. Yup, the writers intended it that way.

August Rush (2007)

For a story that sets off on a sad note, has some uncertain why-am- watching- this moments, the ending is so powerful. The amazing story of how a child dumped at an orphanage uses his gift in music as a clue to finding his birth parents. A popular actor in the movie is Robin Williams.

The next three days (2010)

The thriller that got me worried I would pee in my pants; could not even stand the thought of my phone ringing as I watched it. It’s about a woman convicted of killing her boss and her husband believed that she did not do it. Though, thanks to good writing, it’s not clear-cut whether she did the deed or not. The character played by Russell Crowe then does all he can to get her out of prison. Interesting fact about it: it is a remake of a 2008 French film aptly titled ‘Anything for her’.

Perfume: The Story of a Murderer (2006)

Another story of a dumped child but this one has a superior olfactory sense. He later becomes the world’s finest perfume creator. However, he is a weirdo in a homicidal search of ‘the ultimate scent.’ The film, set in 18th century France, stars Ben Whishaw. I learnt a thing about perfumes from watching this movie that ends in one big orgy scene.

Everybody’s fine (2009)

The light-hearted drama revolves around a father who is trying to reconnect with his kids after the death of their mother. He sets out to find out what each of his four kinds are up to after they all cancel a holiday on him. Some discoveries are pleasant while the greatest one is heart-wrenching.  Nonetheless delivers a happy, warm-fuzzy-feeling ending. This is another great performance by Robert De Niro.

DADDY SAYS…

For some wise words, encouragement and even for the plain telling-off, Daddy is my go-to guy. He just seems to know exactly what to say. I have always talked to him about everything. Yes, everything. And I have learnt that the things I am trying so hard to hide from him are the very things that he has words what would get me out of those situations. Over the years, there are some things he would say over and over and I know I cannot exhaust it but here are my top five:

  •  Empty debes make the most noise… It’s an African (Me thinks…) saying and boy did we hear it enough me growing up! But think about it, the loudest people are not necessarily the smartest. And to another level, it brings to mind ‘all that glitters is not gold…’ scenarios where the people who seem to have to all and bra about it do not have the fulfilment of life- and that is more important if you ask me.
  • Lilo just pray, God knows… Whenever I am very scared or unsure about anything, I will call him. It’s kinda cool then again spooky the way he knows I’m not fine as soon as he picks up the phone, somehow he knows. And the tip will be the same, pray.
  • You are in the market… This is a reminder that I should make sure I look good to pull suitors- I know! Once he told I do not have the liberty to ‘let myself go’ as am still-in-the-market. At first I was thrown off, but those were the days I thought he was clueless. Today, he is waiting with bated breath for the update. It will come, let’s remain positive now.
  • Just wait; your time will come… Just the other day it occurred to me that I was in uni for five years for a four-year course. I did not ‘rewind’ and yes there is a very good and convincing reason behind it. And just as I was about to start at Parklands, Daddy told me he knows I will meet people who were behind me in high school in my class or even ahead of me. Also, I should not worry when I see my peers go the family way…ati?! (FYI, I have also learnt to hide my shock at the things he comes up with…)
  • Am happy when you are Lilo… No one else says it as convincingly. I know he is happy when I am happy because I share my highs, just as much, and the excitement in his voice it sounds like: “THAT’S GREAT LILO!” Like he is shouting when in fact he is not.

So, am such a Daddy’s girl- yes I am! Am just thankful listens to my endless this-and-that talk and most of all that he sets me straight.

FEARS…

I fear that this career will leave me with a heart of ice. I will become so cold that something that I would have otherwise have found revolting or heart shattering, just won’t have that effect on me.

I had to interview a young mother who had lost her 3-month-old baby. Her co-wife poured hot water on her and the baby. The tot’s face, chest and hands were badly damaged. The doctor said even his internal organs were affected.

The mother had her face, hands and breast horribly scalded. She was breastfeeding him at the time of the incident. Leaving half of her pretty face scarred. She will never look the same.

And when I asked for old photos of what she looked like before, her hubby was quick to unleash the album of his young family he has stored in his mobile phone. It was sad to see such a pretty chic had lost her looks…the baby pics– oh so adorable. But what came next, should have had me screaming, or just shocked but it did not.

He had a pic of little baby laid naked on a mortuary slab. I could see the extent of the wounds he sustained. I could feel his cold skin- what had remained of it. And his face was all gone. I was so sure I would not eat again, but I did.

I know I should not get attached to the people whose stories we want to share with the world but man its tough! How can you not. Them again, I suppose it would weigh heavy on my heart and I will have to let go at some point.

And for now, I just fear I will get used to hearing sad stories caused by evil-minded people. People with no heart, at all.